Something about a new song...

They say that the best way to remember a dream is to write it down as soon as you wake up. In the past, it's never been a problem to do just this. However, last night, I dreamed that I was working with a group on a song. In the dream, I was surrounded by people I didn't know, writing a song that I've never heard before. Well, let me rephrase that. I'd never heard the music before. I'd heard most of the lyrics before. With my musical "abilities", I'm much better with writing down music than I am with writing lyrics. I'm fact, I'm a terrible lyricist...

In my dream, there was a drummer, either one or two basses (I can't recall if it was acoustic or electric, although I think it was electric), two electric guitars (one of which was either an overdriven or a distortion guitar, I'm not certain), and a lead vocalist on one side, and the other side was a DJ (who I distinctly remember being African American), and a small squad of cheerleaders (all girls, no guys).

In any case, it opened with the bass guitar riffs, joined by the drummer, then joined by the first electric guitar, then joined by the overdriven/distortion guitar. The vocalist came in after the guitars were done playing around and had gone to a more-or-less stock riff that they had hit upon while playing around. After the first verse, the DJ put on a funky scratch with his tables, and when he was done rapping, the girls took over, while he continued scratching.

Meanwhile, I'm writing all this stuff down on a score sheet, or trying to. The problem is that the notes are all coming so fast, that I can't really keep up. (If you've ever seen it, think about the final composition of Mozart in the movie Amadeus. For this scene, I'm Salieri, and the bands are Mozart.)

The highlight of the dream was the music. The music was awesome. It was perfect for my adrenaline mix for the gym. It was lively, it had an awesome beat, and it had hard-hitting lyrics (granted, none of them were original -- I know I heard some Ludacris and Kriss-Kross in there). The problem was that there was no way to write all this down. I would have needed a recorder next to my bed to hum/sing/beatbox it in there. It would have been worth it, though...

And the sad thing is that my MP3 player is my alarm clock. It is right next to my head. And it has a recorder on it. Curses...

Mass in PJ's

I was in my PJ's at Mass. I don't know why or where.

I was praying in the very front of a relatively modern church, and it was early in the morning. Next to me was my duffel bag with a change of clothes, a couple prayer books, and some music in it. As I was praying, this a minister (priest or deacon, I'm not sure) comes out from the sacristy onto the sanctuary. I look up quickly and only notice the vestments. Then I go back to my prayer book.

We all kneel down (the church is somewhat full at this point, and I'm still in my PJ's). The minister begins Mass. It's then that I notice that the minister isn't real minister, but a fake one. It becomes obvious the instant she opens her mouth. I'm still concentrating on my prayer book, so I still don't actually notice the gender of the priest, but in my subconscious, I know it's a woman, and I'm praying that my ears are fooling me. I refuse to look, because I don't want to get mad in the middle of my prayers.

As "Mass" continues, we all stand up appropriately, and the entire congregation shouts at me from behind, "Go change your clothes!!!" I realize that I'm still in my PJ's. The mock ceremony takes a turn for the worse, and the woman heads straight for the tabernacle. She puts in the tabernacle key, but it will not open the tabernacle. She fights with it to open, but it won't open. She gets all embarrassed and asks for help. We all just stand there looking at her, not saying or doing anything. I grab my duffel bag and walk out.

I head over to the restroom to change my clothes. I throw on some jeans and a T-Shirt. Then I remember the situation in the church. There's no way that I'm going to participate in the rest of that blasphemy, but if no one else in the church has a problem with it, then I'm not going to get in their way on their fast track to hell -- certainly not the right thing to do in real life, but it was a dream. I remember this building from a previous experience here, where I had taken a paper clip and picked the lock of a small case that held a book I wanted to see. It was in one of the halls that was leading to the church.

I go back to where this case was and, to my surprise, it's in the exact same condition it was when I picked the lock. I took the paper clip out and walked back to the church. My intention was to throw it at the people and shout, "BURN IN HELL!" Instead, I opened the door to a huge party going on. If you remember the closing scene of Star Wars I: the Phantom Menace, where Boss Nass holds up this blue ball and shouts "PEACE!", and everyone suddenly starts dancing, that's what I was faced with, except that she was holding a ciborium over her head. I looked for the culprit who had opened the tabernacle for her -- a dirty little mexican was standing right next to her, looking very pleased with himself.

I woke up to a mild adrenaline rush as I prepared to end this blasphemy in the style of Judas Machabeus...

Dreams when fighting something...

Usually whenever I have a cold or a virus, I have these dreams where I'm either doing battle, or setting up battle formations, or something. For the past week or so, with the exception of last night, I've been dreaming that I've been setting up battle formations to ward off an enemy. The problem is that the enemy is already there, and has a much larger army than I do and is very well organized. As soon as I set up one formation or barricade, they either destroy or overrun it.

The funny thing is that dreams like this often cause a lot of physical motion while I'm asleep. Whether it's my foot jerking around, or my entire body looking like it's going into a seizure, it hardly ever wakes me up. So far, two people have both experienced this, and have both woken me up. The first time, I woke up sweating -- I had just been dodging what seemed like Sci-Fi giant bacteria flying at me, and I had the agility of Spiderman. The second time (two nights ago in the currently-running series), I woke up both sweating and breathing heavily, as though I had just run a marathon, and in my mind, I had been. There was an army of something coming after me. I didn't stand a chance. As I ran, I was setting up barriers of all kinds to slow th enemy, but no matter what it was, they kept coming: whether it was a concrete barrier, a 20' stone wall, or a legion of men (all me, of course), they either came through it, over it, and in no uncertain terms destroying everything in their path. Perhaps, it's because I keep running from it that I have not overcome whatever it is I've got yet.

War dream

I had a funky dream last night. All I really remember is that there was a war going on. The dream zoomed in on one gigantic, futuristic-looking German tank, and the people inside it. There was a German officer in full dress uniform and a tomboy. The tomboy was very fascinated by this machine of war, battle tactics, and things of the sort. She was so fascinated, that she wanted to see and experience the cannon for herself.

She crawled into the cannon, and the enormous shell was loaded on top of her. She was actually sitting in a chamber at the base of the cannon, between the firing apparatus and shell, so the shell wasn't touching her. The officer saluted her, and fired the cannon. She went rocketing out right behind the shell, but the shell created a massive vortex behind it, causing her to get sucked back into the cannon, and disintegrate.

New car

I dreamed that JD had recommended that I come in and take a look at this car that was being sold. I went in to check it out, and it was a new unmarked Ford Taurus Police Cruiser. It still had the lights (not the rack on top, but everywhere else) and the sirens, but aside from that, it was a normal car that I could drive everywhere. It was being sold for $1000, and yes, it was new. Sounded like a deal to me, so I bought it. It was a really sweet car.

I went around and visited some friends with it, but I don't remember who or what their reactions were. I do remember, though, that I took it to Christendom and parked it in the lot, but I left it in neutral and didn't use the parking brake. I walked away from the car, and when I turned around to look at it, the car had crept forward completely out of its parking spot, and someone else had parked there. I pushed it into another parking space. It was really easy to push around.

I woke up after that...

Shipwreck, and the island

I cooked some food for me to take to work. I had three plastic to-go boxes, the kind that you get from Boston Market, with the black bottom and the clear top. In the first box was four stalks of broccoli, the second held some potatoes, and the third, blintzes. The broccoli looked oriental, because it had some funky spices, dark sauce, and a little bit of red pepper on it. The potatoes were cooked in such a way that I had small parts cooked in different ways: fried, mashed, baked, and boiled. There were six different styles of cooked potatoes, though. Mashed came in two styles: one was plain, the other was with olive oil and salt. Baked: one with a skin, cut and loaded with sour cream and all that stuff; the other baked and then cubed. The problem is that as I was making it, I ate the plain mashed potatoes. But I didn't want to admit that I had done so, so I took the other mashed potatoes and spread them out to make the box look full. There were three blintzes: cream cheese, blueberry, and one more kind, which I don't remember.

For some reason, I was at sea with the guys from Telogical: David, Lynn, Alex, and Paul. I don't knew where we were sailing to, but a hurricane arose, and the ship was torn in half. Alex, Lynn and Paul were in the back half, and David and I were in the front half. Oddly enough, the water was only about four feet deep. So, I jumped out of the ship, and began wading through the water. David, being David, stayed in the front of the ship, just watching and laughing that I was out in the water. Well, I went over to another hull fraction and found the three to-go boxes with the food in it, and brought them back over to where David was. He laughed that I had even bothered to go back and grab my food, but I felt justified in the fact that I would need it. Then, I grabbed the tip of the ship around it's very narrow nose from the top, basically pinching it between my upper arm and the side of my body, lifted, and began walking. It was kind of clumsy, so I handed David the to-go box with the broccoli, and then continued on (yes, still holding the other two boxes). In a sudden realization, I realized that the food must be soaked through. There was a little bit of seawater in it, but not that much. I turned the boxes over so that the seawater could drain out and then kept going. David was laughing still that I was saving the food and the nose tip of the ship.

Since the water was so shallow, there had to be land nearby. Sure enough, there was an island about twenty feet away. I somehow knew this island as the island Elizabeth (my twin sister) lived on with her family. Part of it looked like a city from the video game Oblivion, I went to her house, but she didn't recognize me. I wanted to see how long it would take, so I played the role of a salesman, and offered her the recipe for the blintzes. She tried the blueberry one, and I told her that I would sell her a quick kit to make them for $1.50. She said no, she couldn't do that, so I tried again with another style of blintz. She wasn't recognizing me at all. In any case, somehow, I managed to get invited inside, and I joined her, James, and AJ for dinner (I don't know where Anya or Mary Clare was). They had some guests over as well, so I sat back and watched them dance in the manner of the folk of the isle...

There were four dancers, all walking in a small clockwise circle with their right hands diagonally up, joined to form a point in the middle. The music was very simple, almost a bluegrass kind of music, and it had the lyrics, "And when you're dancing, you're dancing..." (I think the last line was "You're dancing all the night,", but I'm not really sure...). I was intrigued by this dance, because it looked simple enough that I might be able to do it, possibly even without messing it up too badly. And right about then, I woke up...

Formal dream

This was a rather short dream. For some reason, I dreamed that it was the day of spring formal. There was a special Mass going on that day in the place where the formal was going to be, meaning that it wasn't a church, but more of a hall. Obviously, Christendom wouldn't do that in real life, but that's what my dream had them doing.

Adam W. was one of the acolytes at Mass, and he was given a camera to take pictures with. On the recessional, just before he passed through the doors, he turned around to get a shot of Mike McG. (who was the Master of Ceremonies for mass), in front of the priests. Mike slowed way down, but the camera took too long to focus, so he had to keep going. Adam tried to snap pictures of the priests, but the same thing happened. He had to content himself with snapping pictures of people as they left the church.

I woke up, wondering what time it was, because I had to go to the gym...

Gym

I went to the gym. I was training with Emily for an odd biathalon: volleyball and stunt biking. She was working on bringing me and Matt M. up to speed. Outside the room we were training in were about 50 little girls doing the same thing...

Freaky house

I bought the house was right next to Ken and Alaina. It was a cool design: two floors, each with furnaces. These furnaces were actually little jet nozzles that blasted regular fire around the base of every room to keep them warm. So, instead of an actual furnace where the flame was covered, this was an uncovered flame. It was really cool! Well, OK, it was really hot. The basement of the house was in constant flames. This was the heart of the furnace. All the heat that came into the house came from this fire. If you needed to fuel it, there was a door in the middle of the home where you could feed it wood or some other form of fuel. This was the main fuel door, but there were other fuel doors as well. For some odd reason they looked more like graves...

When I bought the house the person told me the story behind it, and why it was so inexpensive.

There was a man and his mother living there. They were known throughout the neighborhood as the peaceful sort, and everyone liked them. They were always having people over, or helping out their neighbors with anything they needed help with, big or little, and never asked for anything in return. Nevertheless, people came to them to help them out all the time. It was a very good situation, and life was going well. Somehow, the man became possessed, and killed his mother there in the furnace. No one is sure how or really why, but when one is possessed by a demon, there isn't much reason why except that they are driven by pure evil. However, when he was forcing his mother through the fuel door, the spirit left him, and he fell through the door, taking her with him. It isn't known whether he went unconscious and fell into the furnace with his mother under him, or if the demon shoved them both through. In any case, all the mother saw was her son pushing her into the furnace. Her soul demanded vengeance for the evil wrought upon her, and it stayed in the house after she died. His soul also remained in the house, but it became one with the furnace. The demonic possession allowed other demons into the house, and one also came specifically to possess the building itself.

Well, being Catholic, I knew that I had to have the house blessed, but before I did that, I wanted to clean it up. Since news travels fast, Donna came by to visit me in the house. I hadn't seen her in quite some time, and I let her in and we chatted for a few minutes while I was cleaning up. Shortly after being let in, she got possessed by one of the random souls in the house, and she came after me to kill me. I knocked her out.

I figured that I needed to warn other people, so I ran next door to warn Ken and Alaina to not come over at all until I told them that it was all right to visit. It would not be safe for them over there. As I was about to leave, I saw the possessed Donna standing right outside the screen door, staring at me with pure hatred in her eyes. Ken was about to let her in, but I told him not to. When she saw that he was not going to let her in, she smiled and somehow squeezed through the screen of the screen door (in reality, there isn't a screen door on the house -- it's a glass storm door). However, the angels protecting Ken and Alaina's house prevented her from entering their house, so she was stuck between the doors.

I had to resolve this situation quickly. Since she was stuck in between the doors on the side, I used the front of their house and ran back to my house. I figured that the best way to dispel the spirits was to start with the furnace. I challenged them spirits by flushing water down the graves. The house seemed to come to life with this, but before I could do anything else, I woke up.

Best Buy, a Pirate Ship, and the Electric Chair

This dream was friggin' weird. I was working at Best Buy and I sold Alex a new computer set. It was a Compaq Presario system with all the newest technology. Alex's dad was there. He saw the computer, and he really liked it. We loaded it up into the back of Alex's new truck (a Ford F-150), and since I was just getting off work, I rode with them. The computer was put onto the tailgate (which was not closed). Mr. S. drove the truck with the computer sitting on the edge of the tailgate, and tore out of the parking lot. He was really excited about the new truck and the new computer. He took a back way home, but the road suddenly ended and the truck, the computer, and everyone in it fell into the ocean.

When I landed in the ocean, there was no sign of Alex or his dad (or, for that matter, the truck or the computer). Off in the distance, I saw a small boat, and I started swimming towards it. They must have seen me, too, because I got to them really quickly, and they offered to take me on board. I quickly agreed, and I came on board. I asked them what they were doing in the middle of the ocean in such a small boat, and they told me that they were looking for a ship. They explained to me that the ship they were looking for was the greatest ship known to exist. It was meant for both water and the air. It's previous owners had all died, and the ship sunk. However, the ship was indestructible -- all it needed was a crew. Sounded like quite an adventure, and although I don't particularly care for sailing the seas, I love flying. We searched on for a while, and we chanced to see something funny up ahead. We looked down into the ocean, and sure enough, we were right on top of it. We all jumped overboard and swam down to the sleeping behemoth of a ship. As we all assumed a position, the ship began to rise straight up of its own accord, and we were soon at the surface. All the water drained out, and the gold trimming on the ship gleamed as though it was freshly polished. We looked around to see if we could tell who the last owners were -- on the flag pole was mounted the well known pirate flag, the Jolly Roger. It was soon apparent that we weren't going to change the flag, so I opted to live in the moment and act all piratey. Anyway, the captain ordered us all to take our places, and proceeded to get the ship airborne. After hovering for a few seconds amid cheers of the sailors, we took off to the moon.

When we landed, the military was ready for us. I was caught, tried and convicted as a traitor to the country for being a pirate. I and all my shipmates were taken to prison to await our final moments. I was given the chair as my method of execution, and the right to a final confession was denied me. As they led me out of my cell and towards the execution chamber, I saw a line of people in front of me, consisting of all ages. I saw, much to my surprise, that "all ages" included children. They were all coming to see me die. The children were excited, the women and mothers were crying, and the men and fathers were very stalwart -- quite a mixed reaction, and one that I would egotistically expect. Then I saw that the line was not going into the viewing area -- the line was going into the electrocution chamber. Everyone was asked to sit in their chairs, and they were all fastened to the seats. I then heard one of the children ask when the movie was going to start. His mother, trying her best to be brave, told him very soon. I looked around in horror when I saw that there was nothing that I could do to get them out or to get myself out. I had already been fastened down, and most of my shipmates has already been executed. The walls of room that we were in suddenly became transparent, and the bodies of all my comrades could been seen. As I felt the spike of electricity snap through my body, I woke up.

A wedding and a funeral

This is the second time that I've had a dream within a dream. Odd, huh?

The first part of the dream was a wedding. (This was most definitely inspired by Josh's wedding.) I was at St. Pius X, one of my old parishes in Dallas, and it was my wedding day. I don't know to whom. All I know is that I was getting married. I was looking around for evidence that I had prepared for this wedding at all, and I couldn't find any. There were groomsmen (but I couldn't find them), the bride's family was there (although I couldn't identify them), there were bridesmaids (I can't remember who), there were hundreds of guests (bride's family, even though the wedding was in my hometown), the church was decked out (looked more like an emperor's coronation than my wedding), and everything was almost ready to go. Everyone was dressed to impress...

...except me. I was wearing jeans and a T-shirt. I was wandering around the church in absolute shock, thinking to myself, "Why am I doing this? What is going on? Who is the unfortunate girl?" and other such thoughts. I exited the church, and I walked down the steps looking for the groomsmen, or at least someone to explain to me what in the world was going on. Suddenly, the doors across the way burst open, and out marched all the sacristans that I have ever known from Christendom, all dressed in morning coats with an ensemble very much like the Knights of Columbus. Daniel and Brendan were in the lead, scanning the area for something. I approached them, and they saw me -- apparently, I was what they were searching for. Ken and Alex were laughing at my attire, while Fadi, John E., and Adam just tried to angle me in the direction I needed to go. Daniel was speaking to me in his commanding tone, telling me to go get dressed, as Brendan was giving me preparation advice -- I think it was how to put the sword on. Everyone else was just waiting for these guys to get done so that they could get into the church on time.

Anyway, so without much in the way of explanation, I went through the door that they told me to go through, and I was in a kitchen. On a counter top in the back corner was my attire, and it was definitely gaudy. I looked at it, and began putting it on, but I thought to myself, "No, this is a bad idea." I woke up when I sat down and tried to make sense of it all. I think it was about the time when I was examining my finances and conscience simultaneously to see if I was prepared in any way for this. And, just so you know, I wasn't...

A dream in a dream

I'm not sure of the structure of the dream I had last night. It was either two separate dreams, or it was a dream in a dream. I don't remember much about the first part, except that the first dream was a nightmare full of monsters, and I was honestly terrified of it. I woke up crying, if that means anything. For the record, I usually enjoy nightmares. They are a thrill ride, but not this time.

The second part was also a lot of fun, but I can't remember much about it either. All I remember was that it was not a nightmare, and it was really cool...

Josh's wedding

I dreamed that the day had come for Josh's wedding, but I had still not written the speech yet. I was walking down the street with Joe P. looking for the church where Josh was going to get married in when I stumbled across a Best Buy. I realized that they have paper and a pen in the back of the place where they kept their inventory and back-stock. I went into the back of the store and started up a conversation with the girls in the warehouse. I told them of my dilemma and how I was a former Best Buy employee, and they gave me paper and a pen. I thanked them and left.

And that's about where it ends...

Grizzly Bear

This was a bit of an odd dream. I dreamed that I was driving along and I saw a dead tree further up the road behind a white picket fence, and in that tree was a bear. It was just sitting there looking at me. I thought it was a black bear, so I made sure to be careful around it, but I wasn't too terribly worried. The closer I got, the more that I saw that I was wrong. It was a brown bear. I was a bit worried about that. I finally got really close to it, and I saw that it was a grizzly. I freaked out a little, but kept driving. After all, it was waiting for me to pass by. I had the right-of-way. What was it going to do, attack me?

Then I saw that the grizzly in the tree was just a little one, as a gigantic one arose from behind the white picket fence. This bear stood up on its hind legs, and was almost as tall as the tree. It looked this way and that, waited for me to pass, and then crossed the street. The smaller one (which my brain decided was a full-sized female grizzly) roared for the larger (male) to wait, and then it also crossed the street.

Odd, huh?

Another new car

I bought a new car for $900 from Ida F. I'm not sure why I did, because the car was a complete wreck. It was twisted, not just six, but seven ways from Sunday, and in general, I was not too happy with my purchase. However, I thought, "Hey, I can fix this! It'll be great when I'm done!"

This car was a Chevy Cavalier. It was a cute little car, or at least it had been. Some repairs had been done, but not enough, and the repairs were more like temporary patches and some "quick fixes".

The front side had been torn up, and, in an effort to hide this, the frame of the car and the seats had all been reversed. When you were inside the car, you sat forward, looking out the rear window, with the back of the front seat against your chest. The steering wheel was in front of the seat as you had your chest against it, or behind it, if you prefer to think about it like that. You had to reach around the seat to grab the steering wheel.

On the new front, which was the trunk, there were two makeshift headlights. These headlights made the Cavalier look rather like an old tractor with the bubble headlights. I don't quite know how they worked with the brake lights, because they had not been transferred to the back, so all the lights were on the front (back?) of the car.

Also, where the bumper should have been was a huge gap. There was simply no bumper there at all. And this car was classified as fixed...

Needless to say, I flipped out just a little bit...

I walked around the car, and saw all of these changes. I thought to myself, I need to get inside this car. How would I fit?

The first thing I noticed was that the transmission gears and shifter had been inverted. It was in the following pattern:

2 4 R
1 3 5

The first three gears were the only working gears. However, all three of them hit the reverse gear -- which sent the car forward when you were sitting in it. Shifting gears was thus, rather pointless.

There was one good thing: the frame was in perfect condition, in spite of the fact that the body was virtually destroyed. I woke up thinking gleefully about all the customization possibilities (and nightmares)...

"Jesus Dream"

I had this dream some time ago. It was long before this post, and long before I even started a blog. A lot of people already know about this dream. If you've already heard it, and this will be your Nth time, you can skip this post...

Before I get started, there were two major influences on this dream: Mel Gibson's the Passion of the Christ, and the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, just so you know up front. Yes, they mix -- quite well...

I should also warn people who have not heard this dream before that it portrays me as Jesus Christ. If you believe that this concept is offensive, then please, stop reading. I don't want to have an angry person on my hands because of pieces of what my mind made up. Thus, without further ado, I bring you probably the weirdest dream I've ever had, as well as the most vivid, and probably the most popular...

+ + +

The sun was beginning to set as I ran. I looked around me, and all I saw was a desert, much like the area outside the city of Jerusalem. In fact, that's where I was. It was rocky, and I was running away from the city. I stayed near any mountains that were there, because I didn't want them to find me.

I had been running for some time, and I was beginning to feel it. I raced into the shade of a much larger mountain, but I still didn't stop. I stumbled and fell, but I got right back up and kept running. I looked down at my clothes. I wondered why I was wearing a long robe and sandals. I barely like sandals, and I don't own a robe except for my bathrobe. And what was I doing in Jerusalem?

The dream camera panned out, and I got to looked at myself running along the mountainside. I was a man who looked a lot like Jesus. A whole lot. I suddenly realized what I was doing: I was running from the Jews. But why? Simple: I didn't just look like Jesus, I was Him. I had lived the full life, and I had ridden triumphantly into Jerusalem on the foal of the ass. I had the Last Supper with the disciples, but I could not go any further. I was absolutely terrified, because I knew what was to come next.

I continued running as fast as I could along the rocky desert terrain. (Picture, if you will, terrain very much like what was in the movie Passion of the Christ.) I ran with no end in sight, but desperate to find a hiding place -- anything to get away. Something had to be out there, but I had no idea where it was, or even for what I was looking. All I knew is that it had to hide me, and I had to find it.

The drums indicating the moving men behind me could be heard faintly in the distance. There was no arguing whether or not they were on my trail. Time was all that separated me from them -- time and, I hoped, a great distance. The resolve kicked in again: keep running. Panicking over my inability to hide, I switched courses, running around the base of a mountain towards another one.

There! Something was in the distance! I know it -- I saw it! But I couldn't tell what it was. I listened intently as I ran: the drums were still there, my pursuers had not given up on me already. For all I know, they would be on top of me in no time flat. For all I know, they already saw me. That last thought pumped adrenaline through my veins and I put on a burst of speed -- as fast as one can run in sandals. And, suddenly, I saw my hiding place. It was gloriously simple -- no one would ever think to look for me there!

So, I ran towards this, my miracle of miracles, my saving hiding place. It was a porta potty, large and blue with a white top and sides, hidden very securely between a rock and a dead tree (and yet ironically towering over both), on the side of a desert rocky mountain. "Surely," I thought to myself, "no one will think to look for me here."

--SIDE NOTE--
I hope you picked up the dripping sarcasm in the previous paragraph. I tried to drench it as best I could. Remember that in spite of the fact that my mind is making me the Son of God, I'm still the fool you know and tolerate.
--END SIDE NOTE--

So, I hurl myself into this porta potty, and slam the door behind me. It had no bad odors, so it was either new, freshly cleaned, or had a nice air circulation system -- this is all beside the point, I know, but I know that some of you are actually wondering just this.

Anyway, so myself + hurled in + no scent = security. Kind of like blue 'n' white + grey rocks + dead trees + desert foliage + pebbles + rocky desert mountain and similar terrain = camouflage. Capishe? Right. We're back on track.

So, I'm sitting there, giving my legs a rest, and I open the door just a crack. I can still hear the drums, but they are definitely louder. I watched as the dust became stirred up, as pebbles started to bounce, and I knew that the men were right on top of me. And sure enough, there they were. They were running in full Jewish army uniform, straight from the Passion, but in the orcish formation from the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I watched in horror as I saw more soldiers then I ever expected to see come jogging around the mountain side. There was a literal army after me. They were all just jogging, and doing some sort of cadence, but I didn't really want to open the door wider to hear it.

After a minute or so of watching lines of men jog by, the end was in sight. The rear was brought up by one man, who was scanning the land. He saw the porta potty, and kept moving. He suddenly stopped, and stared directly at it, as though just noticing it for the first time -- as though seeing me watch him from the barely open door.

About this time, the porta potty started playing music: Angels by Gregorian was blasting out all over this desert region. This was a wonderful addition to my hiding place.

I stepped quickly back from the door. Had he seen me? I realized that any sudden movement would definitely give my position away, so I peered through the crack again. The man looked puzzled. He surveyed the area and compared it to the porta potty. I prayed that he was just wondering how an American invention from almost 2000 years in the future would end up in his time. He got the look on his face, and ran ahead. I could only assume the worst. He had seen me, and he was reporting me to the chief. I had to form a plan, and quickly. I know! There is a side door inside this porta potty that I would go through, and hide in the extra compartment! Genius!

--SIDE NOTE--
"Side door?" you may ask, and rightfully so. How many porta potties do you know have these two compartments? None. I should invent one. Why, you may ask? Easy. Say you really have to go to the bafroom, but the darn thing is in use. All you have to do is open the main compartment door, say, "Excuse me, just coming through," and then make your way into the secondary compartment. That's why. The added convenience of two places for the price of one. Never mind that the person in the main compartment will be caught pants down -- all that matters is your relief. Besides that, they'll forgive you. Place this as an advertisement in a 50's style B&W TV commercial and you've got yourself a hit! Sure to bring in the bookoo bucks! We'll call it the Porta-Tony, since it was my idea.

Anyway...
--END SIDE NOTE--

The camera now traveled out of my oh-so-clever hiding place, and hovered high in the air (about 15-20 stories up, I'd guess), high enough to see that the army had jogged their way in a large circle around my hiding place, cutting off any escape for me. There was no way out now. I'd be lucky to survive for the next few minutes -- of course, I didn't know this at the time, because I was still contemplating how to escape.

As the Jewish army completed its circle, it closed in. Time was up, and there was no escaping it anymore for me. Suddenly, elves (yes, another LOTR reference) appeared, but they weren't regular elves. These elves moved as fast as lightning, and they were as powerful as it, too. All you could see was lightning bolts being shot across the center of the circle, and knocking down soldiers left and right. These lightning bolts were the elven arrows being fired faster than you could see and with insane accuracy. However, it seemed that as soon as they had arrived, they left, because their quivers were empty. They had killed more than half of the army, but that still left a huge number of men left to contend with. As these men were helping their fallen comrades, the earth trembled slightly. They looked around -- nothing. Yet the earth shook again, harder this time. Puzzled, they looked at the ground, and behold: another quake, much more powerful than the first two, knocked the army off their feet!

Each time the army tried to regain its footing, another thunderous pulse could be heard on the ground. It was rather like that scene from Jurassic Park, where the footsteps of the approaching Tyrannosaurus Rex can be seen rippling a glass of water, except that this was the land that was moving. Anyway, the camera is still at its angle, angled down towards the porta potty with the army surrounding it, and the cause of these quakes steps into view. There appears the left shoulder of a massive angel. I'm sorry to say that it was a stereotypical, cartoon, gladiator angel: male, curly blond hair (cut in a longish gladiator style), huge muscles, double-edged sword, and giant golden halo hovering above his head. Don't get me wrong, in this case, Im very glad to have this particular avenging angel's help in the matter.

Anywho, the Jews run for their lives, many stumbling over their own feet, the feet of others, and their fallen comrades as the angel glares down at them. His eyes flash fire as he surveys his opponents, and as the last one of them escapes, he sheathes his sword. He looks at the porta potty that he knows I'm in, waiting for me to come out. (BTW, yes, "Angels" is still playing. In fact, about this time, it has practically reached the climax of the piece.) After waiting a few seconds, he realizes that I'm not goign to come out, so he bends down and picks up the porta potty. He opens the door and -- I'm not there. Realizing the Porta-Tony convenience of two compartments, he then reaches inside, and opens the second door. Surprise! I'm not in there either!

Angels are very intelligent creatures, and this one was no exception. I couldn't run, but I wasn't in either compartment. Where was I? The simple answer: pop the top off this Tony and check it that way. Sure enough, I hadn't fled. I had managed to wedge myself into the space between the blue siding and the white rounded side -- inside the speaker. He grabs me my the scruff of my neck (if I had one -- it was actually by the robe), lifts me out, and holds me up in front of his face. I'm very ashamed of myself, and trying to shrink into my robe at this point, because I know I'm going to get it now.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asks me, in as nice a voice as he can muster, considering how far I had deviated from the Divine Plan. I couldn't answer him -- I was speechless. I tried to think of something, I tried to say something -- no words would come. I only shrugged, and hung my head in shame.

"You do know what you are supposed to be doing right now, right?" he persisted. I could only answer in the affirmative in all truth, but I still could not get any words to form. I only nodded my head, knowing what would come next.

"Then, I ask you again: What do you think you're doing?" I felt like a child. I wanted to say things like, "I don't want to do X, Y, or Z", but I knew that answering so was simply out of the picture. I had a mission to fulfill, and humanity to redeem. Quite literally, all the people of the world depended upon me if they ever wanted to go to heaven, and my fear was denying them this, their last hope.

The angel then looked down at the Porta-Tony he was still holding. Angels had indeed reached the climax of the piece and was bridging with the drums, strings, and bells goign off very loudly, and he turned to me again, with a different expression on his face.

"And why are you listening to this?!"

I had no response. I was taken completely off-guard. I wasn't sure why -- it just started playing. But why was it playing? Oh! I know! It was my alarm clock! I was thrilled that I knew the answer and that I had a good answer for the angel. As I opened my mouth, bursting with a childish pride, to answer him, I froze, because I suddenly realized something:

{pop back to reality: I wake up with a start}

Alarm clock?! Darn it all! It's time to get up!

+ + +

The way that I prefer thinking about this dream is that this is close to what would have happened if I had been chosen to redeem mankind, instead of God. Thus, I skirt the accusations of blasphemy. No, really. If a human being knew what was going to happen, and he knew how much pain he would have to undergo to redeem mankind, he would have to be an extremely holy man to stand his ground. I don't think that I could now, or ever could have in my entire life. Not only would I have been terrified, I would have felt unworthy to actually attempt -- nay, even think to attempt to fill the role of Redeemer of Man. God is truly all-wise in His plans, and not I. My ridiculous sufferings have probably not done much to save a single soul, much less the souls of the entire history of humanity.

Anyway, so on that note, I'll close. This dream has taken me months to type, and I hope you enjoy it. Some of you have heard it before, and others will find this one to be new, and probably unique. I invite your thoughts on the matter, if you have any, in the comments. Before you tell me, though, I know -- I have a superiority complex with delusions of grandeur. I know, I know... :)

God Bless! Happy dreaming!

Lord of the Rings Dream

 
It was the middle of the Quest to destroy the one Ring. The Fellowship had already been disbanded, and Frodo and Sam were on their own. I was part of the defenders of ring, even though I was only a child. There was with us a great wizard, along the lines of Gandalf, but he was dressed entirely in black. There was also a living magic rope (think of it like the magic carpet from Disney's Aladdin) and a timber wolf. As a child, I was not alone with this group. Dad had his old Ford F150 pickup truck, and he and Liz were with me.

The timber wolf and the magic rope had set out on their own way toward the ice queen's palace. Frodo was already on his way there, but he could not take a direct route -- Sauran would be looking for him. Along the same lines, he would be looking for any of his helpers. Thus, the wolf and the rope raced along from where they had indirectly joined the party to the Frozen Wasteland in the North.

--SIDE NOTE--
I'm using a map to supplement my knowledge of the area. I don't have the thing memorized, but I do recall from point A to point B. In fact, if you look at the map I drew, you'll see the different paths. I'm sorry that I had to edit the map instead of leaving all photos intact like our friends at Le Chasseur Maudit, but I can't be expected to live up to the high standards that they set for reporters everywhere...

BTW, if the map that I edited isn't showing up in this post, blame Blogger. I uploaded it only a few times...
--END SIDE NOTE--

Beginning roughly at Gray Havens (next to the Gulf of Lune, furthest west on the map), Dad, Liz and I hugged the mountain line northward until we shot east to cross the river. Fortunately for us, the river had gotten significantly lower. The lowest part was crossable. Dad charged the truck into it, but forgot to turn on 4x4, so we were stuck. At this point our vehicle was less of a truck than a boat, and wheels don't do a lot submerged in water and not resting on the ground. We drifted along like this until we go to the other side. The river tossed the front end of the truck up, where Liz and I scrambled out. We pulled out our bows and arrows and made mini-harpoons out of them, but to no avail. Dad was finally able to engage the 4x4, and he was able to drive the truck out. We looked back at the way we came -- it was heavily guarded by hostile forces that had chased us once we left the shadow of the mountain. There was no possibility of turning back now.

We then drove northbound along the edge of the river. We encountered an army that was on its way down south to protect the river border we had just crossed. They tried to stop us, but the truck was next to impossible to stop going as fast as it was. Dad drove on through them, plowing through them like they weren't there.

Further ahead, the timber wolf and the rope were also on their way. They were way north of us, and were going across the Ice Bay. This was monitored by the ice queen's forces, and sure enough, one of their security cameras caught them, taking pictures of both the wolf and the rope as they jumped and slid down a short cliff.

The black wizard was already at the Ice Queen's palace, getting a feel as to whether or not she was friendly to the cause. It turned out that she was fairly neutral -- she was uncomfortable with Sauran being the ultimate, because she wanted to be the ultimate, so in a sense, she was on our side. The fact that she had all of us coming to her turf without invitations made her nervous, and so she had sent her armies. The Black Wizard did his best to convince her to call them back and not engage any of us, but she took it to mean that he was trying to bury a threatening situation. She did not take kindly to that, and summoned her guard.

The black wizard made his exit, but there was an attempt to arrest him. He fled, escaping capture. He fled away from the palace by an open route, and returned through magic to his special room in the palace, which (oddly enough) no one knew about, even though it was his room (well, his old room, when he used to work for the ice queen). Using his wizardry, he knew that the rope and the wolf had been detected, and that the queen would not take so kindly to them, so he tried to send them a signal. I woke up with him reaching out telepathically to all the party members... 

Speeeeeeed........

I dreamed that it was time to get a new car. In the spirit of this, I went to a user car dealership. It was a small dealership, and his selection was very limited. Two cars caught my eye: one was a modified Nissan Sentra, and the other was a 2001 Ford Mustang Cobra.

The Sentra was a red hatchback. (No, the car does not come in a hatchback model.) I looked closely at it. Beneath one of the taillights was a dent, positioned in the same place as the dent that's on the green Sentra that I owned. I looked at the owner and asked him about it. He apparently knew the vehicle's history rather well. He told me that this was the same car that I had owned. Before I had time to contradict him, he told me it's full recent history.

The car had been stolen while it was sitting at Dane's. In an attempt to hide the vehicle, the thief had painted the car, but that wasn't good enough. Thus, he converted the back end into a hatchback. He was still caught, and the car was put up for sale here, because the rightful owner lived in the area.

Stunned into silence, I looked at my old car. Not wishing to go back to the ways of the past, I got the Mustang. A good friend of mine used to own one. I've driven a couple since then, and my interest in Ford's Pony Car has most certainly not gone down. I just wasn't sure how it would fit my lifestyle...

Anyway, I drove the car off the lot, and headed to Christendom. It was late in the evening, so I crashed at Dane's place. Early the next morning, I drove out to Old St. Mary's for a High Mass. The Mustang definitely cut some time off the journey. On the way back, I did more fancy driving, and I really fell in love with the car. My only problem is that there just wasn't enough room for people. Sure, small people could fit in the back, but it just didn't have the leg room that people my size would need for any kind of long drive...

With this in mind, I returned the car to the dealership. The owner wasn't there: instead, there was a sign on the door, saying where he was. Instead of driving the Mustang out, I parked it, put the keys away, took the keys to the Sentra, and drove it over to where the owner was.

We discussed the swap. He agreed with me: the Sentra would fit me better than the Mustang, mostly because it was more economical, and it had more room. I drove him back to the dealership, and we did the swap paperwork.

As I drove the car away, I continued to notice all sorts of cool stuff that had been done. The thief had taken the stereo, but had replaced it with one that was between the front seats. The CD player, tape desk, controls, equalizer, everything was on the driver's right, and conveniently located so that he didn't have to scoot forward to reach the stereo. The dashboard had been replaced: there was no spot for the old stereo anymore, just a slick new dashboard console that offered more leg room underneath. In the back, the passenger seats had the edges cut away, and in the place of where the fabric used to be were thin tower speakers. This provided the car with much better sound than it had before.

I tested the car's speed. It had improved since I drove it last, but it wasn't as good as the Mustang. I'm sure that if I wanted that, I could modify the engine to do just that, but for now, I was just fine with a more economical car.

As I drove to Christendom, enjoying the old made new, I woke up...

Inside a video game

I don't know what I did yesterday that made me dream of this at all. I worked out for about an hour and-a-half, I said my prayers, I put music into Cakewalk, and I watched a couple Homestar Runner clips. My evening menu consisted of two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and a small dish of strawberry yogurt. If you can figure out how I got this from all that, be my guest...

Also, a person that I'm sure everyone here knows shows up later. I mean absolutely no offense to this person. Confused? Keep reading...

To start off with, I was playing an old video game, Doom II. I've played the game enough to know most of the levels quite well. The odd thing was that the game looked a lot better than it had ever looked before. I looked around in the game. Everything looked very realistic. I looked down. I saw my feet, and a very sweet gun. I looked back up, surprised, because in Doom II, you never see your feet, and you only see the barrel of your gun. It suddenly hit me: I wasn't playing it. I was the main character! (Justin or Jonathan, are you reading this?) I was holding an old--but still very sweet--rocket launcher, and I was hunting aliens and demons. Sweet. Bring it on!

--SIDE NOTE--
The nice thing about being in a video game and realizing that it's a video game is that you have a lot more control that you would normally think. It's rather like when you are dreaming but then you realize it's a dream. You can take full control of the dream, by either letting things go as they are, or by simply altering the whole thing.
--END SIDE NOTE--

I began running, something you normally can't do with nine fully-loaded weapons on you, and a backpack containing extra ammo for all of them. If you've ever played Doom II, you know that these aren't just various pistols. Your starting weapon is a pistol, but if you look hard enough, you'll find a chain saw at the very beginning. (If you don't, there's always your fists...) The next weapon is a single-barrel shotgun, followed by a double-barrel shotgun (two separate weapons, and you get to keep both), a chaingun (or a gatlin' gun, depending upon what you what to call it), a rocket launcher, a plasma gun, and a BFG9000 (which takes the ammo of the plasma cannon, using 80 rounds per shot, and dealing sick amounts of damage to everything in the room). And I had the rocket launcher out, loaded and ready to go. What's funny about this is that my personal favorite was the plasma gun, even over the BFG9000...

Anyway, so I went sprinting along this rather familiar looking outdoors area, looking for something evil to blow up. But everywhere I went, there was nothing. It was as though I had already completed the level, but I was missing one key. I do that all the time. I'll just miss one thing in a level, and then after I've killed off everything, I'll run around and pick up all the ammo I missed, while I hunt (and hunt and hunt) for the one hidden key. I kept running around, but there was nothing...

I finally went into a building. There were bodies of the evil ones everywhere -- too bad I missed all the fun. I heard something coming from one of the rooms though, and I readied my launcher. I opened the door, and there was a room full of barons of hell and hell knights. They were all facing away from me. In their midst was a large cyberdemon, who was facing me. In the first instant, it looked like the smaller demons were taking orders from the cyberdemon. Suddenly the cyberdemon, seeing me, opened fire. He hit one of the barons of hell, who did not take kindly to it. The rocket splash damage also hit other demons, who had the same reaction. They started firing their energy balls upon the cyberdemon. I saw a way for this to get ugly. I ran back and forth behind the group. In an attempt to shoot me, the cyberdemon hit more of these barons and knights, causing them all to turn against him. I quickly exited the room, just in case any of them noticed me, and also, to avoid any potential damage.

--SIDE NOTE--
This part of the dream is one room of an actual level from Doom II.
--END SIDE NOTE--

The rocket fire slowly subsided, and the room became silent with one last explosion. I couldn't tell who had survived from the sounds. When I opened the door to investigate, I saw two barons of hell and a hell knight still alive. Their comrades were all dead. The remaining three turned on me. I fired off a single rocket at them, knocking back the hell knight. Then I realized the power I might have in the game. I put away the rocket launcher and prepared to see what I could do.

As anticipated, the fire didn't stop. The three beings launched their energy balls at me. I caught all three of the energy balls and just held them for a second or two. The beings looked at me in utter disbelief -- I guess no one has ever done that before. They fired off another volley, and I caught them as well. I merged all the energy into one large one, but before I could launch it at them, they had fired off another volley. I knew I could catch the energy, but what else could I do? As the energy approached, I swung my fist, effectively reflecting them all back to their originators. Frustrated, they charged me. I launched the energy ball at them. The force of the energy that I had packed was more powerful then a rocket, and actually blasted them through a wall into the next room. Quite satisfied with my abilities, I sauntered on through the new hole...

...into an office. At the desk sat two burly men, and Therese O. The men were cheesed off, and Therese just sat there letting them rant. From their rantings, it was clear that the two men were the barons, and that Therese had been the knight. In spite of the fact that the knights are inferior to the barons, it was also clear that she was their leader. While they were raving, she was simply sitting behind the desk in the executive chair. It was clear that she was not happy with the situation either, but it was done, and there was nothing that she could do about it.

One of the men came up to me, yelling something. I just stood there was a slight smirk on my face and let him rant. It was about all he could do anyway. As he walked back to the table, I actually began to feel a little sorry for them. The way that the guys were acting, it was as though they had never been defeated, and this was their first taste of something that wasn't victory.

The same guy suddenly spun around and launched a fireball at me. I had been half-expecting it, but wasn't really prepared at this close range. Still, I noticed it, and without moving a muscle, I stopped the fireball dead in its tracks. I sent the fireball back at the guy, but it was only powerful enough to forcibly make him sit down. He started to cry.

I looked at him in disbelief. A baron of hell was crying. His crying started up the other one. I could only think of one response, and it was sarcastic:

"What, do you guys need a hug?"

"Yes," was their response, also taking me by surprise.

Hopefully, I could surprise them all back, so I geve the first one a hug. He cried on my shoulder like a little kid. I've never felt so uncomfortable in my whole life. I shouldn't say that, because the next two were just as awkward. The other guy got up and made a group hug effort, so I offered my other arm to him. The same thing happened. I wondered to myself, "Why did I say yes? These guys ... geez!" When they were finally done, they returned to their seats, sniffling a little. I looked at Therese, who looked rather embarassed by her comrades' behavior. I asked her the same question. The guys piped up, "He's a great hugger!" (Like I said, uncomfortable, but it gets worse.) She said sure, she'll take one. So I hugged her. Her response?

"Eh, he's not that good..."

Feeling extremely awkward, my dream suddenly twisted out of that into a completely different spin. Sadly, I don't remember the second half of the dream. The second half had almost nothing to do with the first half, and I remember waking up feeling a whole lot better than I did when my dream jumped tracks. I just can't remember. I guess I'll have to end on the awkward note and see if it will come back to me...

Uh ... you're what?

I had a very wierd dream last night. There aren't too many details in it, so this should be a pretty quick read...

I was wandering around a mall which I didn't know. I don't know what I was looking for. Suddenly, I stumbled across a very familiar looking face among many others. It was Lizzie, surrounded by a bunch of people I didn't know. She was in a wedding dress, and the men around her were dressed in morning coats and suits. She saw me looking at her with a funny look on my face, and she came running out.

Her: "Anthony! Guess what?"
Me: "No, don't tell me."
Her: "Yes!" And she flashed her wedding band at me, with her engagement ring right behind it.
Me: "You're married. Why are you getting married?"
Her: "Duh! You get married after you've been engaged!"
Me: "I never knew you were engaged! How did this little fact escape the subject of conversation?"
Her: "Oh, you knew."
Me: "No, really, I didn't."
Her: "Sure you did!"
Me: "Lizzie, I would not be reacting like this if I had known you were engaged."
Her: "Well, it doesn't matter. Come celebrate with us!"

And at this point I looked at the crowd. All the men present were aged 45 and over. I looked carefully for the groom. Shocked, I did a double-take, and then for safety reasons, I looked over them all very thoroughly again. Her husband was a gray-haired man, rather on the portly side. You could tell he was very well off by the way that he carried himself.

Me: "Lizzie, how old is your husband?"
Her: "What difference does that make?"
Me: "He's what, 50?"
Her: "Close. He's a bit older."
Me: "Why are you marrying him?"
Her: "Why would anyone marry anyone else?"
I gave her a look.
Her: "Yeah, he is well off, but that's not the main reason!"

I forget what I said at this point, but it was along the lines of the fact that I couldn't celebrate with her, because something about the whole thing seemed really wierd. Of course, Lizzie did not like that answer, and she went away mad at me. I felt awful for saying whatever it was I said and for making her mad, but I couldn't go against my feelings in this matter.

Anyway, she went inside one of the restaraunts in this mall, followed by her entourage. I followed her at a distance. There were no Christendom people at all, nor was her family there. The entire crowd consisted of people about the age of the groomsmen. Some were married, some weren't. It looked like all the attendees were all on the guy's side.

I began to feel extremely uneasy about the whole thing. Right about then, I woke up...